The Timorese Kids and I

I've been pretty lazy with my photography lately. So this last weekend, when someone suggested we go to the beach to watch the sunset, I decided to bring my camera and take some pictures. I need something to show my family when I get home. 

The beach we went to is called Comoro Beach. It's really beautiful! When I first arrived here in Timor, we went there to swim. My brain was thoroughly flummoxed. I'm used to swimming in Canadian lakes and the Pacific ocean, not a bathtub-temperature ocean with a palm tree backdrop. It took a while to get used to. 

During this last Sabbath evening we were there, a nice breeze was blowing and a bunch of locals were playing soccer and providing some good subject material. 

Our group consisted of an American family from church, the family I live with, and of course, myself. While we were hanging out, the four local children in the pictures above came running on the beach. I saw them and started to take some pictures. I really love taking pictures of the kids/people here (I just need to do it more often!). The children are so precious! They laughed as my shutter went click, click, click. The mother of my student recently bought the Canon 60D. So she was also snapping away. She asked me if I would like a picture with the children. I'd been realizing lately how I didn't really have many pictures of myself here, so I enthusiastically agreed. I plopped down next to the kids and grinned. However, as you can see in the pictures above, it only took a second for the little boy next to me to decide he was too close for comfort. I found this hilarious (and so did all of my friends) and I absolutely love the photos I was able to get! I laughed as Ruth snapped away. (I'm sorry I don't have more pictures. It takes a long time to upload them, hence, there is only a few. Come and find me when I'm back in the states if you would like to see more.) I love these pictures because they have a story behind them and they have character. I hope you enjoy them as well. 

I've been wanting to blog more. God's been teaching me many things. I'm learning so much that sometimes it feels as though my brain needs to pee. I know that's a really disgusting simile, but to be honest, it describes perfectly how I feel sometimes. All these wonderful ideas of things I could write about come to me (usually at the most inconvenient times, like right when I need to go to bed) and fill up my mind. As my brain is brimming, an urgent signal is sent out, telling me that I need to pull the plug and drain some of these ideas out (although usually only one turns out really well). I need to write. It's kind of like that, "Gotta go!" feeling. 

Well, I'll quit grossing you out. Hopefully I'll be able to drain my mind again soon. 

The Struggle

Right now my mind is full. I feel like it contains at least a couple of blog posts. So I'm apologizing beforehand. If this post seems rather scatterbrained or confusing, I'm sorry. I just had to share what I've been thinking about in the last while.

This week has been hard. It's felt somewhat similar to a roller coaster, emotionally speaking. A not-very-fun roller coaster. Little things have really bugged me. I've cried and then wondered why I'm crying.

However, today I received a good reminder to hold on and trust God. After Sabbath lunch, I took a nap. When I got up I was still feeling somewhat crabby. I sat on my cute, little couch and opened my email. In my inbox I saw an invitation to follow a blog: www.seannebblett.com
I opened up the link and started reading the different posts. Then one caught my attention. The author was describing how he was running and felt as if he was about to die. He was listening to an audio book as he ran. Right at the moment he felt like he was about to croak, he heard this quote, "Those who decline the struggle lose the strength and joy of victory" (Help in Daily Living, pg. 28). He wrote how those words "the girl" read gave him courage to run just a little faster. He had linked the words, "the girl" to a website. I clicked on the words and what do you know? I end up at my own blog! At the end of the post he had written, "Thanks Allie." Turns out he had was listening to the audiobook that comes with Fountainview Academy's latest filming production, Help in Daily Living, (find it at www.fountainofmusic.com) which happens to be read by yours truly.

When I read his post, those words were such a good reminder to me. "Those who decline the struggle lose the strength and joy of victory." This week was a struggle for me. It was a struggle to not let my emotions dictate my behavior. I didn't always succeed. Homesickness has been a struggle. Certain languages were beginning to get on my nerves. Certain people were getting to me. I don't know why it was this week. Nothing really new happened. I mean, things were as they normally are. I knew I had so much to be thankful for. I really did.  But it was just a really strong battle against my emotions. It was one of those times where you know in your head that you should be thankful, and you are, but your emotions are like a little, bratty child that refuses to cooperate. You just want to be crabby sometimes.
But as I read those words, it helped to remind me that I need to hang on. So, since I was refreshed by that one little quote, I decided to haul out my own copy of HDL and listen to the audiobook for the first time. I don't know that I've actually listened to it since it was recorded. Today I listened to the first twenty or so pages and was so blessed! It was what I needed.

Here's some of the quotes that spoke to me.

"To live such a life [the life of a loving and lovable christian], to exert such an influence, costs at every step effort, self-sacrifice, discipline. It is because they do not understand this that many are so easily discouraged in the Christian life. Many who sincerely consecrate their lives to God’s service are surprised and disappointed to find themselves, as never before, confronted by obstacles and beset by trials and perplexities. They pray for Christlikeness of character, for a fitness for the Lord’s work, and they are placed in circumstances that seem to call forth all the evil of their nature. Faults are revealed of which they did not even suspect the existence. Like Israel of old they question, “If God is leading us, why do all these things come upon us?” 

It is because God is leading them that these things come upon them. Trials and obstacles are the Lord’s chosen methods of discipline and His appointed conditions of success...

In His providence He brings these persons into different positions and varied circumstances that they may discover in their character the defects which have been concealed from their own knowledge. He gives them opportunity to correct these defects and to fit themselves for His service. Often He permits the fires of affliction to assail them that they may be purified...

In the full light of day, and in hearing of the music of other voices, the caged bird will not sing the song that his master seeks to teach him. He learns a snatch of this, a trill of that, but never a separate and entire melody. But the master covers the cage, and places it where the bird will listen to the one song he is to sing. In the dark, he tries and tries again to sing that song until it is learned, and he breaks forth in perfect melody. Then the bird is brought forth, and ever after he can sing that song in the light. Thus God deals with His children. He has a song to teach us, and when we have learned it amid the shadows of affliction we can sing it ever afterward" --Help in Daily Living, pg. 8-10. 

OK, I know those were really long, but that's not much considering I listened to twenty pages. I'm sure whoever actually takes the time to read this entire post is going to be old and grey by the time they finish. 

That last part of the quote that is in bold is especially meaningful to me. I may write a separate post on that one specifically or something closely related. But it really means a lot. What's also really cool is that before I left to come here, my prayer journal was getting close to being finished. So I knew I would need to buy a new one for my stay here. I bought one and it has two birds in cages on the front. I wasn't even thinking about this quote when I bought it though. God knew something small and simple like that would be special to me later on. 

I kind of consider myself a wimp. I don't like struggling. I don't like pain. I try to avoid it. However, if I avoid it, I will lose the strength and joy of the victory. This quote challenges me to hang on. I need to keep trusting God. He's going to make this totally worth it in the end! 

Things are sometimes tough (or so our emotions tell us), but it's like the quote says. Everything seems so hard, but it's because God is with me that these things are happening to me. He's teaching me to sing His song. I just pray that He'll help me to have the strength to hang in there and learn it. 

That's the hardest part. It's the process, the waiting part, the learning part that is so difficult to get through. Sometimes I just want to scream and yell and throw a fit like a little kid. But He has promised that His grace is sufficient for me. His strength is perfect in this weak wimpiness of mine. See 2 Corinthians 12:9. I'm trusting that He will get me through this. Pray that I will receive the strength and joy of victory.  


Oh, yeah. One more thing. Thank you Sean. Thank you for the reminder. 

View from Cristo Rei--Happy Sabbath!

There is a giant statue of Jesus set on a hill, at one end of Dili, called Cristo Rei. Translation: "King Jesus." In order to get to it, you have to walk up a whole lot of steps. It's good exercise though. I've been up it a couple of times. On one of my treks up, I took this picture. Something simple to share for Sabbath. Happy Sabbath!

A Summary

The last year of high school is the time when everyone wants to know what your plans are. Often, however, the seniors know as little as the ones asking the question. This was the case for me. I had some ideas about what I wanted to do for a career, but they were about as firm as jell-o. I knew I wanted to go to college, but it just didn’t seem to be the next step. The future was one huge, hazy question mark.

During the summer after my graduation, I had the opportunity to help preach an evangelistic series. The night I preached my last sermon I received an email about a job opportunity in East Timor (a small, developing country in Southeast Asia). An SDA couple wanted to homeschool their son, but both parents worked. Would I be interested in coming to teach him this fall [only a couple of months away]?


After praying about it and receiving godly counsel, I took the plunge, traveling outside of my continent for the first time—ever. It’s been about four months now and I’ve had an incredible and--I'm not going to lie--often difficult experience that includes not only the privilege of educating one of God’s children, but also working with the church’s junior Sabbath school class and Adventurer club.


Although I’m the teacher in all these positions, I think I’m the one who’s learned the most. Through the experience of living on the other side of the world (and the difficulties that entails) and the challenges of teaching a nine-year-old boy, I’ve begun to understand truths I’ve known intellectually but never really believed in my heart. I’ve been able to learn many things that are not taught in college, things like trust in God, contentment, love, and patience (much patience), all of which have invaluably built my character and made me more ready to embrace life.

Being here has also shown me that I really don’t know where it is I need to be. I never would have guessed that this experience would be what I needed or would teach me what it has. Now, though I still don't know what I'm going to do with my life, I have more direction and purpose in my prayers.  I simply pray that God will show me where I need to be and make my heart willing to go to that place.


If you're future is unknown (a nice way of saying you have no idea what you're doing next) or you are in a similar situation as I was (and still am), I want you to know that you can trust God; He has a plan (Jeremiah 29:11). It could be that He is keeping you from in the dark so that you will be more ready and willing to go when He opens just the right door. I doubt that I would have been as willing to come to Timor if I had already planned my year out. My advice to you is to pray; pray that God will show you where you need to be and make you willing to go there. He will show you that place. 
            

Friendship

A couple of years ago my school’s orchestra and choir were asked to play at a Christian conference in Canada. As a byproduct, all of us students were able to attend the meetings.

One night, after the speaker had finished, I was feeling very dejected. Depression hung on me like a heavy blanket and my current struggle loomed before me like an enormous black cloud, blotting out the sunshine. As my fellow students chatted and small talk filled the speaking hall, I walked over to a close girlfriend of mine. The look on my face gave her a clue as to how I was feeling. I don’t remember the exact dialogue that took place between us, but one fragment of a sentence lodged in my mind. I mentioned to her something about how I was discouraged, and she replied by saying, “Well, my arms aren’t as strong as God’s, but…” And then she hugged me.

That one phrase stuck in my mind. “Well, my arms aren’t as strong as God’s, but…” It spoke to me, providing the spark of inspiration for a poem I began to write that night.

Later, as I tweaked and chipped away at the words, I thought of two people: my sister and, of course, my friend who had first spoken to me those quotable words. They both had seen me go through rough times, but had always (for lack of a better way of describing it; please forgive the cliché) tried to be there for me. Though they were never able to wave a magic wand and make my troubles vanish into a cloud of pink smoke and sparkles, they were Jesus’ hands to me by simply being there for me, praying for me, and giving me a hug. As I wrote into the night, I felt like that simple poem portrayed the kind of friends they had been to me, the kind of friend I wanted to be to others.

As I said before, the poem was written a couple of years ago, but I thought it might be a neat thing to share. Take it as a challenge. You can’t fix your friend’s problems, but you can strive to “bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ,” as Galatians 6:2 exhorts (NKJV). And as we follow this Biblical injunction, we will be the Father’s hands to others. 

I see you standing here tonight,

In your eyes a heart full of pain,

Trying so hard to win the fight,

But no ground appears to be gained

Sometimes I feel so helpless,

There’s so little I can do,

But on my knees and in my mind

I pray and I fight with you

My arms may not be as strong as God’s

And I can’t win this war for you,

But I will hold you anyways

And be the Father’s hands to you

You cannot see past all the pain

As through this fog you feel and grope

You must believe me when I say

In the Father, there is your hope

Sometimes I feel so helpless,

There’s so little I can do,

But on my knees and in my mind

I pray and I fight with you

My arms may not be as strong as God’s

And I can’t win this war for you,

But I will hold you anyways

And be the Father’s hands to you

What a little darling!

 I absolutely LOVE this picture! His eyes have such a cute expression and I love it in black and white!

They've started an Adventurer club here. Most of the children are Timorese. At this last Sunday's meeting, a mother brought her little boy. He was so darling, I just had to post these pictures of him!

Skipping Stones

Sshhhh…Sshhh…Sshhh. The ocean waves washed over the shore as rhythmically as an old grandmother’s rocking chair creaks back and forth. My student, his father, and I had stopped by the beach to launch their new dragon kite. While they were having fun watching the long-tailed creature soar into the sky, I ambled down to the water’s edge to skip stones across the waves. As I tossed the rocks, I tried to think of an analogy I could pull from the sea. I didn’t receive any fire-from-heaven revelations right then, but slowly an object lesson washed up on the shore of my mind.

Sometimes life throws us about pretty hard. There is an entire cornucopia of obstacles and difficulties that threaten to drown human beings each day. Financial ruin, spiritual depravity, broken homes, and loneliness are just a few. When these things happen, it can feel as though we, like a stone flung into the sea, have been hurled into a murky, watery darkness with no way out. Many of us simply give up in despair and let the undertow of depression drag us down. We wallow in our bitterness while the sands of self-pity ingrain in us the idea that “My circumstances have made me this way and I can never change or be happy again.”

However, this is not the case. When a stone is thrown in exactly the right way, it can actually skip across the water, appearing to defy the laws of nature. The lesson, I’m sure, is obvious. Though life may hurl us into the water and we may be faced with seemingly insurmountable obstacles, we can by the grace of God be like a stone skipped across the sea and actually use the waves of hardship to make us better people. We don’t have to drown in our circumstances. We can choose whether or not we will be made bitter or better.

This is a popular topic. There is a plethora of quotes and clichés, speeches and songs that, in essence, tell us to make lemonade out of our cruddy produce. This advice can seem rather insensitive and difficult to swallow, especially if you’ve just been given a tough break. However, if you and I don’t make a deliberate choice to carry on, we will find ourselves in a watery prison of darkness and despair. But as we choose to bring our broken, shattered hearts and lives to Jesus, we will find true freedom and the ability to skip across the waves.

Now, for an agonizingly cliché appeal: what will you choose?