The Struggle

Right now my mind is full. I feel like it contains at least a couple of blog posts. So I'm apologizing beforehand. If this post seems rather scatterbrained or confusing, I'm sorry. I just had to share what I've been thinking about in the last while.

This week has been hard. It's felt somewhat similar to a roller coaster, emotionally speaking. A not-very-fun roller coaster. Little things have really bugged me. I've cried and then wondered why I'm crying.

However, today I received a good reminder to hold on and trust God. After Sabbath lunch, I took a nap. When I got up I was still feeling somewhat crabby. I sat on my cute, little couch and opened my email. In my inbox I saw an invitation to follow a blog: www.seannebblett.com
I opened up the link and started reading the different posts. Then one caught my attention. The author was describing how he was running and felt as if he was about to die. He was listening to an audio book as he ran. Right at the moment he felt like he was about to croak, he heard this quote, "Those who decline the struggle lose the strength and joy of victory" (Help in Daily Living, pg. 28). He wrote how those words "the girl" read gave him courage to run just a little faster. He had linked the words, "the girl" to a website. I clicked on the words and what do you know? I end up at my own blog! At the end of the post he had written, "Thanks Allie." Turns out he had was listening to the audiobook that comes with Fountainview Academy's latest filming production, Help in Daily Living, (find it at www.fountainofmusic.com) which happens to be read by yours truly.

When I read his post, those words were such a good reminder to me. "Those who decline the struggle lose the strength and joy of victory." This week was a struggle for me. It was a struggle to not let my emotions dictate my behavior. I didn't always succeed. Homesickness has been a struggle. Certain languages were beginning to get on my nerves. Certain people were getting to me. I don't know why it was this week. Nothing really new happened. I mean, things were as they normally are. I knew I had so much to be thankful for. I really did.  But it was just a really strong battle against my emotions. It was one of those times where you know in your head that you should be thankful, and you are, but your emotions are like a little, bratty child that refuses to cooperate. You just want to be crabby sometimes.
But as I read those words, it helped to remind me that I need to hang on. So, since I was refreshed by that one little quote, I decided to haul out my own copy of HDL and listen to the audiobook for the first time. I don't know that I've actually listened to it since it was recorded. Today I listened to the first twenty or so pages and was so blessed! It was what I needed.

Here's some of the quotes that spoke to me.

"To live such a life [the life of a loving and lovable christian], to exert such an influence, costs at every step effort, self-sacrifice, discipline. It is because they do not understand this that many are so easily discouraged in the Christian life. Many who sincerely consecrate their lives to God’s service are surprised and disappointed to find themselves, as never before, confronted by obstacles and beset by trials and perplexities. They pray for Christlikeness of character, for a fitness for the Lord’s work, and they are placed in circumstances that seem to call forth all the evil of their nature. Faults are revealed of which they did not even suspect the existence. Like Israel of old they question, “If God is leading us, why do all these things come upon us?” 

It is because God is leading them that these things come upon them. Trials and obstacles are the Lord’s chosen methods of discipline and His appointed conditions of success...

In His providence He brings these persons into different positions and varied circumstances that they may discover in their character the defects which have been concealed from their own knowledge. He gives them opportunity to correct these defects and to fit themselves for His service. Often He permits the fires of affliction to assail them that they may be purified...

In the full light of day, and in hearing of the music of other voices, the caged bird will not sing the song that his master seeks to teach him. He learns a snatch of this, a trill of that, but never a separate and entire melody. But the master covers the cage, and places it where the bird will listen to the one song he is to sing. In the dark, he tries and tries again to sing that song until it is learned, and he breaks forth in perfect melody. Then the bird is brought forth, and ever after he can sing that song in the light. Thus God deals with His children. He has a song to teach us, and when we have learned it amid the shadows of affliction we can sing it ever afterward" --Help in Daily Living, pg. 8-10. 

OK, I know those were really long, but that's not much considering I listened to twenty pages. I'm sure whoever actually takes the time to read this entire post is going to be old and grey by the time they finish. 

That last part of the quote that is in bold is especially meaningful to me. I may write a separate post on that one specifically or something closely related. But it really means a lot. What's also really cool is that before I left to come here, my prayer journal was getting close to being finished. So I knew I would need to buy a new one for my stay here. I bought one and it has two birds in cages on the front. I wasn't even thinking about this quote when I bought it though. God knew something small and simple like that would be special to me later on. 

I kind of consider myself a wimp. I don't like struggling. I don't like pain. I try to avoid it. However, if I avoid it, I will lose the strength and joy of the victory. This quote challenges me to hang on. I need to keep trusting God. He's going to make this totally worth it in the end! 

Things are sometimes tough (or so our emotions tell us), but it's like the quote says. Everything seems so hard, but it's because God is with me that these things are happening to me. He's teaching me to sing His song. I just pray that He'll help me to have the strength to hang in there and learn it. 

That's the hardest part. It's the process, the waiting part, the learning part that is so difficult to get through. Sometimes I just want to scream and yell and throw a fit like a little kid. But He has promised that His grace is sufficient for me. His strength is perfect in this weak wimpiness of mine. See 2 Corinthians 12:9. I'm trusting that He will get me through this. Pray that I will receive the strength and joy of victory.  


Oh, yeah. One more thing. Thank you Sean. Thank you for the reminder.